Some Luxe Recommendations

Something about self care goes here.

I’m too cheap to pay for actual luxury when there are products that make me feel just as fancy for a tenth of the cost. Enter: a list of product recommendations for not your kid, but for you, the perpetually under-cared for parent! As always, no affiliate link warnings needed because they don’t exist.

• CeraVe Vitamin C Serum: Serum is such a posh word! I’m already in! The medspa I occasionally frequent won’t stop touting the benefits of Vitamin C for your face, but their brand du jour is $166 for a tiny dropper bottle that makes your skin smell like hot dogs (straight up. Google it.) I was thrilled to stumble upon CeraVe’s version, which also contains hyaluronic acid (it’s truly laughable that I’m pretending to know what any of this means) because their moisturizers have always worked as advertised for our family. The other day, I said, “Self, why does your skin look suspiciously normal? Almost, like, good??”- something I haven’t had said in 32 years on this planet- and then I remembered I’d started using this about a week prior. I’ve also heard good things about this dupe (I shudder! But apparently that’s what the kids/ beauty bloggers call it!)
• Jill: If you’re my husband, it’s an exfoliator and yes I would like you to leave the bathroom now. But for those in the know, it’s a face razor, ya’ll. Not a five-blade Shick with shaving cream, but a single blade like when you pay for a dermaplaning with your facial (I swear I’m not the 1%, I just know how to maximize a gift card deal.) It absolutely works, and it absolutely does not make your facial grow in thicker or darker or faster. Jill sends you new blades each month so you don’t have to hack away at your face with old ones (because they know I’m cheap enough that I totally would.) Wash your face –> baby oil –> Jill –> be freaked out/ super impressed by what comes off your face –> moisturize. That’s it! You can do it weekly or monthly or somewhere in between.
• Olaplex No. 7 Bonding Oil: What are these words?! Who am I?! A person with dry ass winter hair, that’s who. Everyone’s favorite Queer Eye cast member JVN once said that coconut oil is actually damaging for your hair, so I’ve been avoiding any leave-in products ever since. That was just laziness! This stuff smells good, isn’t greasy, and so far does as promised. Plus you feel fancy AF putting a few drops of hair oil on your busted head hay even though you know it’s going to be in a twisted knot on the top of your dome the rest of the week.