Half a Year

My son turns six months this week! I’m feeling…

• Sore. Kid is huge! The physicality of bending over changing tables, carrying him everywhere, getting down to play with him– it’s a lot. I’ve put him on my shoulders a few times, and while he loves it, my traps are sore for days.
• Refreshed. He is sleeping. Praise Jesus, hallelujah, I will never take another full night of sleep for granted as long as I live. I’ll do a whole post on sleeping and what has worked for us in the future. If you’re reading this in a zombie state, I feel for you deep in my bones and soul.
• Excited. Watching him learn new things every day is likely mundane to anyone who didn’t birth him, but I’m fascinated watching him figure out the world.
• Hopeful. As the weather gets nicer, more people are getting vaccinated, and the world is opening up to us. We lived the first three months of his life in a literal and metaphorical cave– hunkered down, just trying to make it through the fourth trimester; hunkered down, just trying to keep warm during the winter; hunkered down, trying to balance our pandemic bubble and local restrictions with the need for our brains to see other people. I have zero plans for the summer other than to introduce him to so much more than our backyard.
• Nostalgic. I wouldn’t say full on sad that we’ve lived his first six months of life already, but when he’s in bed at night, my husband and I watch videos of him on our phone and think “OBVIOUSLY he’s the cutest kid in the ENTIRE world and we can’t WAIT to hang out with him tomorrow!!” We’ve fully drunk up all the parenting cult Kool-Aid. It happens. He’s cute. We do not apologize. I don’t (yet?) feel grief over, “Where did the first six months go?! It went so fast! How can this be?!” I know where the last six months went. I lived them! With the baby! Oftentimes in the middle of the night! Yes, time is an illusion and we’re all hurdling closer and closer toward death, but if anything, being a mom has helped me live more in the present. I’m not too concerned with where we were six months ago or where we’ll be half a year from now.
• Anxious. Some of the parents in my Reddit group are starting to try for their next kid or posting about the pros and cons of having another and when. Wut. I’m constantly having to remind myself that we do not need to make that decision any time soon. I’ve always envisioned myself with two kids because that’s what seems normal? But if I had to choose absolutely right now (which I don’t! So why do I play these mental games?!) life is perfect with just him, and I’m content being one and done. Calm yourself, Brittney.
• Celebratory. It seems like one of those made up occasions when you should get a cupcake, right? Maybe I’ll get cupcakes. He will want to eat them because he wants to eat everything his dad and I have, but he’s a baby. No cupcakes for babies.